Conflicted? Why not ask a question?

 Guest post by Alun Jones, Life Coach and Change Facilitator


Questions and conflict resolution

When I was asked to contribute a “guest blog” for CAOTICA  immediately my mind was flooded with all sorts of thoughts about how to begin, what to include, how long it should be and so on. Ironically, many of those thoughts seemed to conflict with each other. So for three days I’ve thought about it, and hummed about it, going over and over all the conclusions and judgments in my head about conflict. Eventually I got to the point where I’d had enough and asked myself (well shouted really if I’m honest!) “for God’s sake what will it take for me to know how best to approach this?!”.

And there it was. The question. The very thing that I’d been waiting for to get the creative juices flowing. Why not ask a bloody question?! Doh!  You’d think as a Life Coach/Change Facilitator who asks people questions every day that I’d have the awareness to begin with a question! But no, like so many people in this world, I immediately got swamped down in conclusions, decisions. Judgments, and expectations.

You see that’s the thing. We live in a world where we’re guided and lead to come to conclusions, because then we can take action based upon those conclusions. Seems to make sense doesn’t it? It can do, depending upon your point of view. But what if there was another possibility? What if there were other ways of looking at things other than living in conclusion?

If we look at some of the conflict that appears on the news at the moment (although to be honest, our news programmes and newspapers seem to love only reporting on perceived conflict in the world and often portray it as a bad thing) there has been much around the incident that happened in Woolwich South East London. Lots of different conclusions here that people make about who was right and who was wrong and one conclusion that some people came to is that all muslims must be terrorists and “bad” people. Is that true? Can we absolutely know that’s true?  Oops – there I go again asking a question.

Whatever conclusions people come to about various issues in the world there are bound to be differences.  And differences lead to conflict right? Or do they? And is conflict really such a bad thing? I think that can again depend upon your point of view. Our point of view creates our reality and what if the only way our reality can change is if and when we choose ask “what else is possible?”.

So getting back to this “conflict thing”… let me ask you this: What meaning and significance have you given to conflict such that you reject , resist, and avoid it as much as you possibly can? The meaning we give to words can really change how we perceive and experience them.

What if “conflict” is a bastardization of contrast? Is contrast a good or bad thing? It’s neither right? Contrasting colours can look great together, as can contrasting fabrics or textures. If you look at people’s gardens they’re full of contrasting colours, textures, heights, and shapes. That’s what can make a garden look great. Or not, depending upon your point of view about what a great garden looks like!

So what if contrast is what helps the world evolve and grow and develop? When two or more people come together with different ideas does one idea have to dominate the others? What else is possible? What else could be possible that we’ve never even considered before?

You see when we live in the question rather than conclusion we get the opportunity to see and experience life at its fullest and most magnificent.

Some questions I love asking clients who come to me with fear of conflict are:

  • What is it about conflict that you are afraid of?
  • What meaning and significance have you given to conflict such that you avoid it?
  • What’s right about conflict that you’re not getting?
  • What point of view do you have about this situation that is limiting you and what else is possible?
  • What’s the value in always agreeing with others just to have a peaceful life?

The thing is if everyone agreed with everyone all the time, imagine how dull and monotonous life could be. Again interesting point of view huh? From my perspective, if there wasn’t diversity and contrast in the world then we’d all be coming up with the same ideas. Would the world actually evolve?

So next time you find yourself in a space of, what you might describe as “conflict” rather than concluding one thing or another (such as I’m right and he’s wrong, or he’s right and I’m wrong, or any other connotation thereof) why not ask a question such as: What contribution can I be here? What contribution is this to me and my life? What would it take to change this? What am I aware of here that I’m pretending not to be aware of that if I allowed myself to be aware of it would change this situation and give me more ease with it? What if there really is no right and wrong? What if contrast (or conflict if you will) can be a true blessing to you, your life, and your living? What else is possible?


Alun Jones - Talking to People Changing the World

In a nutshell Alun Jones enjoys life and living.  He talks to people and, in so doing, changes the world. Alun also helps people to create and have the life they want with more ease than they have allowed themselves to believe possible. He draws upon a range of tools, processes, and therapies including: Access Consciousness, NLP, EFT, Access Consciousness Bars, Reiki teaching and healing, and Hypnotherapy.

To find out more about Alun and how he can help you have a life of ease, with ease (or however else you’d like to create and experience your life) please visit: You can contact Alun directly via email

What if now is the time for you to make you, your life, and your living your number one priority? And what if, by so doing, you Be an even greater contribution to the world?

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